so that wasnt chicken after all
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
