Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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