I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
