I'm gonna have a badass scar
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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