Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
