can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize