I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
