Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
