..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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