All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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