It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
