i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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