I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
