there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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