Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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