there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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