i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think my moral compass just broke
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
