just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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