She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
