You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
