I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
