Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
