was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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