and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
