there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
