Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
