there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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