i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just invented taco cereal.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
