Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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