i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
