Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
