If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
