Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
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strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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