Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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