Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
