last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
