I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
