just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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