I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize