if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.