I think I am morally bankrupt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.