Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
