This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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