I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
