woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
