Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
