So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
