Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
