Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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