My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My ATM looks so different sober.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
