Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
