Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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