I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
