Just fell off a train. Bad.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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