She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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