apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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