Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
