I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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