woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
time to smoke my breakfast
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were destined to go to rehab together
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
