What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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