Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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