K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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