I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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