ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im part way to drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
