At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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