I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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